This is a day to be remembered. There is every reason to feel sad, alone and disappointed, but we are still standing next to each other and having each others' backs. Maybe I'm not able to completely let go of these feelings, maybe they won't completely fade away until something really right passes by. If something right even comes. Whatever will be, will be.

I feel very happy today. Not the excited, over the top kind of happy but like, just happy. I know my vocabulary is limited to the word "happy", but words like "joyful" "delirious" just can't replace it. Happiness is a simple emotion. There is happiness when you trust someone, when you reveal even some of the weaker parts of yourself had in the past. They are not completely significant parts of yourself, but it is about whether you are willing to reveal them. There was a combination of fun and honest exchange and relief today. I'm no longer afraid if you'd read this anymore. Hiding it is much more hurtful. I can't deal with this feeling alone or let it disappear. I don't know what to do with them, or let them die, or what. The fan is on full speed and I like the sound.

I am delirious with joy.

Because you don't read this.

I watched a movie and I am judging it for its cliched themes and endings and lack of character study, the way it didn't fully convince me how two people fall in love, what is special about their love, how can two people love each other so much without any proper basis. So why do you love it so much? But because I don't understand how old you were when you watched it, what was going on in your life when these scenes flashed in front of your eyes, I will never understand it. You don't need me to like the movie, or say anything particular about it, it is only important that you first tell me the reason you liked it and i shall watch it again and understand how it has shaped you slightly. Your interpretation of it is a way of understanding you. That is why we share our favourite books and movies. Which I've never read in the past. I am crazy. I do not understand why this heart beats.

We all need some patience don't we

Woke up with an aching heart.

Corinne Bailey Rae - Trouble Sleeping

(Thanks Sarah for the rec)

There is a line between friendship and love, where is it, how to draw it? You know there is something when you start doing things for the other person without expecting anything in return, when you simply want to offer all that you have, perhaps win the person's presence at most. Not even his heart, just his presence. At times like these, I feel so pathetic. That I need love. It makes me feel desperate and needy and at a loss of what to do. I don't know what to do.

I am opening up to this space, letting myself be vulnerable. Exposing my secrets to this world. There are too many secrets I would like to keep to myself. I will release them slowly.

Intelligent beings are only attractive when they are pursuing knowledge for the joy of it, not for the motivation of feeling superior to others. A human is most attractive when he is acting for the sake of himself/his passions, not to impress others.

PULL BACK NOW. RETREAT. RUN FAR AWAY. NOW. NOW.

In actual fact, some part of me hurts a little every time I give a suggestion. I spent the past few nights bathed in yellow light mixed with hues of red and I think, it feels so warm. I wake up in the middle of the night just to discover the light is still with me. I know I should switch it off, take it away, but every ounce of me yearns to feel it a little longer. And I fall asleep again, waking up next to the sound of birds and to discover it has been turned off by someone. There is a brighter sky beyond the window, another kind of brightness for me to bathe in without cutting off the flood of yellow with my own hands. But I want curtains now.

When I don't feel particularly sad, is it that I am not bothered enough, or that my defence mechanism has become too strong? Try to accept it and move on. I cannot cannot cannot afford to hold anyone too tightly or I will never be myself? I'm not even solving the root of the problem. Distancing myself from others is not the right way to help me be myself.

It's hurting but there is no way I can show it. Maybe the most painful thing is to feel a certain way when everybody else assumes you are not. And you can never, ever say it out. Ever. AHHHHH and do I ever tell anything to anyone do I do I do I. I need this song.

Crystal Castles - Not in love

Ahhhhh maybe I should find one day and get it out.

Another great day spent at Ikea.

It's nice to have people open up to you and vice versa

Kings of convenience and Feist - The build up

Life's been treating me well lately.

People around you are much happier when you are, this "positive vibe" thing is true. Somehow I've just been feeling at ease lately, and feel good doing things for others. Not just people I care about, but to listen to other people whom I'll normally "label" as "boring" etc.

I watched a video, "the art of listening" today, and tried listening to my friend today over the phone. The moment of silences were short and not awkward at all. And the most important words come out after moments of silences. To listen is to let the person feel comfortable sharing his/her thoughts, to not cut in, to be genuinely interested.

These few days, I felt I have learnt to be much less judgemental, for everyone has their own story. And it feels good to do things for others instead of just focusing on what i want. I will never forget the words of my teacher, that love operates in abundance.

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I helped my friend pack that day, and realised that for a good conversation to happen, both parties must have a cleared mind, free from stress and anxiety or other distractions, such that both would be "present". I was asked why I did such a thing, to help. I honestly wanted to help, and of course it was fun for me (and we can never strip self-interest from any thing), and that was all. Talking to our friends help us discover more about ourselves, and to learn from them as well.

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Feel like this post is very much like a reflection post, nothing special. Like things you'd write down in those "daily reflection journals". No pretty words (I've lost the ability to use them lately, anyway), sounds amateurish, I suppose?

But this is who I am, not anyone special. Feel happy being non-special, happy being less insecure, happy to live while noticing others' needs, happy to not get worked up when someone gets impatient etc (because others' reactions to our words is a reflection of ourselves).

I love my parents, I love talking to them, they give wise words and answers. I love my friends, and for being selfish in the past, I feel I should make up to them in some way. I can't believe I'm saying "I love people", because a few months ago I still hate them a lot. I might hate people tomorrow or the day after, just thought I should write these "positive feelings" down before they get lost. Used to wonder if I'd ever cry if I were to lose any of these people and the answer would be "I don't know", but today it felt like a definite "I wouldn't be able to live without them".

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Monday is the start of the social emotional learning course.

There is a party on saturday, work on sunday.

To repair my guitar (the neck broke cause i forgot to loosen the strings when I didn't play it during the A's :( my baby..)

collect new spectacles, return library videos,

help out with my friend's photo journal,

write letters to 4 people.

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But no, really, the biggest thing i've "experienced" is to not judge. Really, we don't need that sense of "superiority" in our lives.

this is like a, "refer to 8th february entry of my journal" kind of post. They are important entries. I felt calm, at ease, free from influences and distractions yesterday.

How the hell do other people stay non-silent without revealing their totally weird side I really don't get it at all.

These are stolen from my own facebook album, hence the lousy quality of the photos. Only facebook has the edited ones because I have accidentally deleted the original files from my brother's computer, but I miss Copenhagen a lot and these photos have to be here.

The shots from paris and some from Venice are still unedited.

train station

(played around with some toy camera effect on my camera)

the shopkeeper i chatted with

danhostel

Am glad today because i recognised blonde redhead's 'sound'.